The ultimate new dad's guide to parenting

February 05, 2021

The ultimate new dad's guide to parenting

If you’re anything like my husband, you probably think it’s crazy that there is a whole book’s worth of emotional guff, when we could just cut to the chase and tell you who to call. So here is a very short letter from my husband, Alex, plus a list of the specialists in each chapter.

Dear Dad,

Before my first child, my mum warned me. She said, “Your time is no longer your own after having kids,” and for once, she was right.

Learning how to cope with a newborn can be a real shock to your routine. As new parents, you will need to come to grips with the fact that your life will revolve entirely around the baby and your needs take second priority. For me, this realisation set in as soon as my wife and I left the hospital. We suddenly found ourselves alone and without ready assistance from the birthing ward nurses.

So with that and a little bit of hindsight in mind, below are my top tips to help get you home smoothly and settling in to life after birth.

Getting everyone safely home from the hospital presents the first challenge. Common options include taking a taxi, driving your own car, or using public transport. However, if you are using a car, the baby must be in an appropriate car seat. Aside from its illegality, the consequences of not restraining your child can be horrific (queue crash test videos). Make sure you get a seat that suits your budget and lifestyle, then practise installing it prior to D-day. If you need help selecting the right car seat, call my wife.

Next up: essential hardware. My first child was born at 36 weeks, which made my wife and I look fairly unprepared when we hadn’t yet bought a cot. Don’t make the same mistake and ensure you have the essentials well before il bambino arrives. You don’t need to buy expensive new items as most of this can be purchased pre-loved (except nappies and car seats) to save some coin, but as a minimum have these four areas covered:

wheels (stroller and car seat),
meals (baby bottles, bottle steriliser and infant formula if that’s your thing),
threads (nappies, burp rags, swaddle blankets and baby clothes) and
beds (cot or bassinet and sheets).

Sweet dreams? The best advice I can give to help you acclimatise to life after birth is to get everyone in to a good sleep routine. Newborns feed every three hours. As a result, being able to get your baby back to sleep quickly at 3am is vital. There’s tonnes of literature on sleep routines but, as a start, my wife and I followed the four steps in the sleep chapter of this book. If you end up feeding using infant formula or expressed breast milk, I would recommend mum and dad working complementary ‘shifts’ (eg mum feeds baby at 9pm then goes to sleep; dad stays up and does a 12am feed then goes to sleep; mum wakes up at 3am etc).

Finally, clear the decks. Whilst you will be tempted to show off the new baby to friends and family as soon as possible, I would suggest giving yourself time and space to get into your baby-care routine before you line up all of your visitors. Dads also need to be conscious of balancing work time and home time in the first three months after birth. I would strongly advise minimising non-essential work travel during this time unless you have surplus ‘brownie points’ to burn.

I hope that wasn’t overwhelming (there’s no going back now though). Persevere. Life will become more normal after a few months. Until then, be prepared to give up a few gym sessions and some Netflix until everyone settles in.

Alex